Understanding Other People's Positions
I had to go to a meeting yesterday which I akin to "watching paint dry!"
It was about procedure within the company and is one of those gatherings where a lot gets talks about but nothing of consequence gets done - or not in my experience anyway!
There have been some changes in the office and a new person has taken over the role of arranging and managing this area.
As she was about to go to the meeting she cajoled me along and I responded in a less than enthusiastic fashion. I thought afterwards that that wasn't very supportive and that I hadn't exercise much empathy.
I suppose that this was indirect empathy. I find that I am getting better with demonstrating understanding on a on-to-one basis where I can say directly to a person "I understand where you are coming from"; this is the explicit form of communication that a person with Asperger engages in so well.
Its the subliminal form of going along and being seen to engage that I still need to work on.
Outside Party Empathy
I had a different variation of this issue today when I had to tell a customer that we wouldn't be supplying them with a product that they had been promised. It was the second time that we had reneged on our commitment.
Understandably, one of the customers was very upset and got slightly agitated (as I think I would have in there situation).
I found myself starting to interrupt and, if not getting aggressive, then confrontational in my tone and response. I quickly became aware of it and immediately backed off!
I was quite pleased that I recognised the problem - which is very much AS related - and was able to constrain myself and adopt a more empathatic approach. The reason being is because it showed I had learnt an important lesson from past experience.
What was really satisfying was how I was able to just let the other person let off steam which meant I didn't antagonise them any further and so exacerbate the situation.
I wish I had learnt that self-control/technique a long time ago!
Bad Situations
Where I work I tend to experience this quite a bit. There are times I have to tell students no they cannot get certain things or have certain things done. I won't get into what kinds of things/requests they ask for because the list can go on and on. Also, there were times I also had to inform a student that something (which was promised to them) could not be done and when we have to reverse a decision due to a error on someone else or even me. These are very difficult situations to deal with, no matter how much experience you have. Things can become confrontational and agitating. Students when I have to present this type of news can become upset, agitated and challenging. When students become like this I can sometimes agitated, confrontational and even a bit unprofessional. There are times I have to call over someone higher to help with handle the problem, refer them to someone else. Once in a while, believe it or not, these situations can smooth out without intervention from other people.
I never liked being in situations like this plus half of the time I don't even know how to respond.
This really seems to
This really seems to indicate that you are working for an administration that needs to smarten itself up. Students/customers should NOT be promised anything unless you're absolutely sure it can be delivered. If somebody makes a decision that counters what the students have been promised, it is THEY who should explain to them and THEY who should take all the resulting flak and not YOU.
It is no wonder they would get upset and aggro and it is no point getting aggro back because they have every right to challenge a decision that reneges on a promise. Being mostly young people, they wouldn't have learnt the same amount of self control as an older person.
Do the students have any avenue of appeal for these decisions? If so, telling them about these would ease the sting somewhat. Then again, if it was somebody else's stuff-up, they should be the ones to sort out the resulting problems.
Backing Off
Since I have gone on vacation the students have apparently complained again and have been given concessions. I think that this is sensible.
The Asperger issue I had was being in a contentious situation where, to be honest, I couldn't take decisions. I was caught in the middle of the flak and I hate that!
I have to say that I have had a couple of really nice e-mails from students saying its not personal and how helpful I have been which is nice.
I have, though, decided that I am going to move on asap as I don't nat to be there. Other people have left also and I am not sure that it is a really positive environment.
Good Point...
Students can appeal certain rules, grades, decisions and etc. Many students do this but some want instant action now and yesterday! At times I do refer them to the Higher Ups and usually they step in.
Also, the problem at the college is constant communication and training. A student can go to someone for something and get a no while at another time the student can go to another person and get a Yes! Plus the college tend to make many exceptions to the rule at the wrong times. It's a very inconsistent place. It's so inconsistent that I have come inconsistent with many of the things I do there.
Empathising with the Boss
I had a disagreement with my boss this week which miffed me a little.
To be fair to her, I hadn't done something which I should have (learnt some material properly) which put a doubt in her mind.
However, she has the tendency to formalise things and put them in writing which makes me nervous. For me, it is sending the message that its an official message which I dislike. I am not feeling entirely comfortable at work at the moment.
I think though that she may be under a bit of pressure herself and have tried to make allowances. Its an attempt to empathise and I find that not automatically assuming that others are thinking detrimentally of me is essential.
What I am going to try and do this week is crack on with some tasks and get them completed and put them my boss's way to try and shift the onus of attention.
Unnecessary Responsibility
I think that another important issue is to define the boundary when you say: "no, I am sorry, I am not taking responsibility for that".
Twice in my career I have had senior managers get me to do things which were their responsibility to defer unpalatable tasks on to me.
Having Asperger means that defining when this is occuring is hard and dealing with such situations are among the hardest that I have to deal with. Its a question of striking the balance between being seen as helpful and not crossing a manager.
I think the best way to deal with this is to try to take the side of the business and its interests.
In the case I had to deal with this week, I was liaising with a customer over an issue that I didn't know all the details. There was the danger that I could have made the situation worse by feeding the person - unintentionally - information that was incorrect or innacurate.
What I try to do here is deflect the issue back onto the manager by saying if I go ahead and deal with this I could put the company in bad light as i have insufficient knowledge/expertise in this area.
Its hard one though I know....
Honestly, a lot of meetings
Honestly, a lot of meetings are boring and you can't very well pretend otherwise so it's best not to worry too much if somebody doesn't like it if you don't respond very enthusiastically.