Touching/pysical contact as a part of communication
Last week, for some reason, was really bad for me on this front.
I have a boss who will often touch my shoulder to get my attention while I'm working, and although I'm not too keen on that behavior, it's not too invasive, and I bear it.
Last week, while I was talking to a coworker, she touched my forearm, and left her hand there for a good 15-20 seconds. Later that some day, another co-worker touched my hand.
The next morning, I was working at my computer, trying to finish up a project, and the director of another department came in to talk to my boss. I said hello, but didn't pay much more attention to her, because she was there to talk to my boss. But when she had a question for me, in order to get my attention, she tugged ever-so-slightly on my ponytail. I'm not certain of my expression when I turned to face her, but since neither my boss nor she noticed, I'm assuming that I didn't look as disgusted/nauseated as I felt.
Someone else, on my way out the door that night, touched my arm.
Being touched normally makes me a little uncomfortable, but I know that I lot of people use this as part of their communication process. However, having my hair touched really bothered me. Does anyone else think that completely inappropriate? If it is, should I do/say anything about it?
Touching for me
At work sometimes people would touch my shoulder, shake my hand, tap my arm or give me a pat on my back. When these actions are short and necessary I have no problem with this. The problem is when these actions last a long time, they're not necessary and people start taking advantage such as tugging or pulling hair.
In general I really don't like to be touched but again if it's for a brief period and I'm comfortable with it then I have no problem at all. I rarely touch people at all, I rarely shake hands with people. It's just not me and I feel funny doing it. I don't totally avoid it by all means but I just don't do it that much.
If people touching me (or physical contact) becomes a issue for me then I might be brave and actually say something or give a obvious hint that I don't like it or don't want it. If it becomes really inappropriate or unnecessary then I might take further action. Remember, there are some physical communication contacts that might not be appropriate or necessary or by all means not acceptable. Some acts of physical communication are okay but some acts are not.
Can't stand to be touched
It gives me the shivers just thinking about it. By my reactions (jumping out of my skin, visibly shaking, looks, etc.) most folks at work have come to understand that I don't like to be touched. I'm aware that some can take this to be an unfriendly response, so I go out of my way to be open and attentive in other ways such as paying careful attention to my body language and posture and simulated eye-contact. There are a couple of women who insist on touching periodically, I do what I can to get away however I don't think in their case the touching has anything to do with communication.
Confidential Request
I posted on this subject a month or so ago following a similar "incident" with a colleague whilst playing hockey. He was pulling me out of the way at corners!
I spoke to him later when we were alone which is very important, i.e. not in front of others. I made a light hearted joke about it, but explained that I found it disconcerting. He was fine about it.
It does worry us [people with AS] so I think it is important to stop it recurring.
A colleague also remonstrated with me a few months back when I got too close to him whilst talking. He found my intrusion into his "personal space" disconcerting.
These are, I feel, important issues and ones that tend to only come to the surface and become an issue when they cause actual difficulties, so they need to try and be prevented in the first place.
Prevention is definitely better than cure.
It doesn't normally bother
It doesn't normally bother me to be touched as long as I have some warning but I really dislike being breathed on by somebody with bad breath if they lean in too closely. I don't want to be rude and say to them that their breath stinks but it is quite trying.
I can relate myself
I also get bothered when people with bad breath, bad body odors and even people who are not clean are close to me or touching me. The smell of bad breath and especially certain body odors get to me. I tend to be self-conscious myself just to be sure I'm not letting out any odors of a negative nature.
I agree, and I also worry
I agree, and I also worry that I might have bad breath or something. Sometimes parts of the office smell of stale farts and that makes me feel a bit ill. Even some perfumes smell disagreeable to me (although I like most perfumes, especially citrusy and light fragrances).
I don't have this issue at
I don't have this issue at my office thankfully because my coworker is a very non touchy feely kind of person and my boss is very standoffish. When I was little I had people come up and touch my hair because it was very long and a dark red color. That gave me the creeps beyond anything else. Especially when elderly men, who smelled of medication and ointments wanted to touch my hair or face. I only feel comfortable touching close family members, and even then, I don't like the feel of hugging, because it encloses me. I don't mind hugging someone else, but someone hugging me makes me panicky.
It must have been all the touching in one day that made you feel like this. The person who tugged on your ponytail must have felt comfortable enough with you to do so. It might be time to restablish some boundaries with your coworkers.
Tactile Boundaries
I think the maxim to adhere to is: Keep your distance and don't touch.
Though it is, I think, natural for someone with AS to want to engage in to demonstrate friendliness, being tactile is a sensitive subject and a dangerous one in a work context.
By refraining there is no margin for error and you do not expose yourself in any way.
One other thing: a - really good colleague - got upset with me a few weeks ago when I got too close. He chastised me for "intruding on his personal space".
Gor "Geoff" to comment on this proved it was important. Now I am conscious of the need to stay back.
In both cases: "better safe than sorry".
Good Idea
I have to say I have to agree with this Malcolm. Just keep your distance and don't touch. Many people out there (including us) have their own feelings and reactions to touching and distance levels. The easier way to conquer this I guess is just don't touch and keep your distance.