Time awareness
Submitted by EstherKG on Tue, 04/14/2009 - 22:36.
My boyfriend has aspergers and quite often I get stressed with him because he seems to be 10 minutes behind the world and not understand 'we're in a rush'. Maybe I get too stressed because I find it very embarrasing to be late to things, but I would really like to help him realise when there is a hurry. he says i'm bossy with him when I'm trying to hurry him up, and I dont want to be, but I do want to help get him organised to avoid embarassement. Do people with aspergers generally get embarassed at all about things like being late?
10 minutes behind the world
Then give the time he needs to be ready by as 10 mins earlier...
Premature Completion
This is an invaluable point.
I have been forcing myself continually over recent years to try and start things prematurely.
One of the key aspects of my conditon [Asperger's] is that I tend not to start somehting until it becomes important/becomes an issue. As is often the case, something else invariably then comes up and I find myself under pressure, becoming anxious and "chasing my tail" so to speak!
I have never understood why I do this. I know that if I leave things they can become problematic later, that if I start something early I can work without any pressure and, therefore, slowly and productively, yet I still tend to procrastinate somewhat. (This is one of the reasons I wrote the article on procrastination under the Viewpoint section of this site).
Start early, start as soon as possible is my mantra now with anything at work that has the potential to become an "issue" later.
I have not perfected this approach yet, but I am getting better at it and it is incredibly beneficial.
I'm an aspie and hate being
I'm an aspie and hate being hurried because then I don't have time to collect my thoughts properly and forget things and get flustered. We usually need at least a couple of warnings eg. "the meeting is in 30 minutes time" and then 5 minutes before "the meeting is in 5 minutes time".
Anxiety about appearing in a social situation causes trouble. For instance, if I am worried about going to a meeting, I might start repetitively doing something I do feel confident about and thus lose track of time.
The lady at the desk next to me says "coming to the meeting?" and I will start packing up and lock my computer keyboard and suchlike.
Trying to hurry an aspie is nearly always counterproductive, infuriating as procrastination might be. I do my best to be on time but get easily sidetracked or anxious.
Stop!
What I am increasingly doing is before I have to do something or go somewhere simply saying in my mind stop!
I cognitively put a hold on things and concentrate for a minute or two on what I am moving into and what I will be needing.
I have instigated a useful technique outside of work which is proving useful for when I am there.
I have a tendency to rush out of the house and leave things I need behind me. I now hold: think about where I am going, what I will be doing and who I will be meeting. These give me a reference point that enables me to think about the things I may need.
I have started to do this at work. Before I go a meeting I practice this procedure. It is proving incredibly useful.
Most of the meetings we have
Most of the meetings we have are quite impromptu. The last time we had a more official meeting, I got a bit upset because we were going around the table saying what was happening for us and when I spoke, others were still talking amongst themselves and I thought it quite rude. My poor boss thought he was doing the right thing by keeping it informal too.
Most of the meetings we have
If there is anything I hate, it is being hurried.
Welcome
Its the other way with me!
I am always thinking ahead and get very frustrated when someone is late or I cannot finish something to a defined schedule.
Does this apply to him in a work context?