A Strong Face

I had a meeting last week with a colleague at my new place of work. I knew a little about her before we met because my boss (who is also her line manager) told me that she had had a serious problem with a customer and the incident had seriously affected her and damaged her confidence due to the criticism she had received.

When I first met her she came across as an awfully nice person and very pleasant. At the some time, I could see why she had perhaps been targeted and someone had felt confident enough to take advantage of her. Her demeanour was quiet gentle and I could sense a feeling of uncertainty; even a lack of self-confidence. I suspect that the protagonist sensed this and played on it somewhat. She was almost too polite and courteous.

None of this makes it justifiable for anyone to take advantage or to treat someone badly of course. Indeed as my Asperger dictates that I have an inherent sense of right and fair play etc, I think that it is totally unacceptable. The good thing is that my employer backed her and gave her the necessary support and she is now fully back up-and-running.

The meeting did however strike a bit of a chord because I could recognise facets of her demeanour in me. In a previous company my boss said to me that he was considering sending me on an assertiveness course. I can remember at the time being quite surprised at this: why would he want to do that? I certainly didn't think that it was something that I needed.

Looking on the above example however, I can see now why that might perhaps have been the case. If I come under attack I perhaps am too defensive, feel that I must automtically look at my own situation/contribution and maybe not state overtly: "I am not the guilty party here!" I can see with hindsight how I have assumed blame when there was absolutely no reason why I should have. This would then have made me vulnerable.

It comes back to striking the right balance in response of course; or being assertive. Do not become aggressive in demeanour but, at the same time, question the other person or what they are saying and challenge it.