I wonder if other aspies share my tendency to paranoia.
For instance, this evening I was working late, alongside my boss. We were the only two left in the workplace (a forestry nursery) I then had to get up to go and count some plant cuttings (I do R&D in plant propagation) in a mist house. While I was doing this I heard my manager draw up alongside the mist house on her motorscooter, stop for a couple of minutes, then move on. I got very worried about why she did this, when I knew she had been busy composing a company newsletter at her computer in the office. I thought she must have been checking up on what I was doing. Then I wondered why she would think she needed to do that. That line of thought snowballed to the point where I was dispairing of getting a fair reference should I find another job because maybe I could not trust her because she was harbouring groundless concerns about my integrity.
I went back to the nursery office and continued working at my computer, and later my manager also returned and carried on with her own work. She mentioned a Cassia tree in flower, and it turned out she had gone out on her motorscooter to get a digital photo of the tree, to go in the newsletter.
This kind of thing happens to me all the time. In the past there have been times when I have only become belatedly aware of people harbouring ill intent and saying and doing bad things, behind my back, and so now I go through life permanently on edge, always on the lookout for that kind of thing happening again.
Similar issues tend to develop concerning my personal life. I am homosexual, and also permanently single, because in my case Aspergers syndrome makes the idea of intimacy and cohabitation absolutely and totally abhorrent. As regards 'coming out' at work, or anywhere, really, I feel damned if do and damned if I don't. If I say nothing about my sexuality at all, some people start whispering behind my back that I must be a paedophile, because its clear I have no partner. If I do come out, then people want to pigeonhole me as "a gay" and make extremely annoying and insulting assumptions about my personal life - and even my health status as regards HIV. I 'came out' as an Aspie at my last job and will never do that again because it was used against me in injurious and hateful ways. All I will say now is that I don't 'do' relationships of any kind, which will never satisfy the curiosity of some. Accordingly I am constantly on edge about baseless rumours about my personal life being generated behind my back.
As a result of all this, not only do I have the unending and lifelong internal conflict between purely hormone-driven sex drive and the Aspergers' revulsion against intimacy, but I also lead my life in a state of emotional siege as regards the rest of the world. You couldn't describe it as a happy existence. Am I alone in experiencing life like this, or do other Aspergers males contend with similar?