New job - recently diagnosed, need advice
Changes in my work have recently caused me lots of stress.
I'm in my early thirties, and I've recently self diagnosed myself with AS, currently I've been signed off work for the last 3 weeks with 'stress'.
My self diagnosis came about 4 weeks ago, I'm awaiting being referred to an as aware psychologist in the local hospital.
I was recently (about 7 months ago) successful in getting a new position in my organisation that has been causing me some serious stress with issues arising from my self diagnosed AS.
I worked for the last 2 years as a web designer/developer, a great job for me because it's detail-focused and allows
me to make use of the areas of web development I've always religiously fixated on (colour theory, xhtml / css, information structure and search engine optimisation, etc.), and because the need for intensive
interaction with other people is relatively limited.
About 7 months ago, when the web team I was working for found out that a new content management system would change the nature of their jobs (gradually replacing some of the elements of the job that I specialised in), I was very stressed by the thought of the change of direction in our work, so I started looking for other work and ended up getting a position as an e-learning developer in another department.
I applied as this was giving me a lot more money, I had been very successful in my previous position, and it required some of skills that I had from my university degree & previous position, and some others that I wasn't so good at but I figured I could probably get by with and/or pick up the rest with on-the-job experience.
When I started the new job, I found out quickly that the work focused on those skill areas that I was less familiar with, and less experienced in, the team was very close knit and much bigger, and I found the new manager very hard to read, and as I'd worked in the organisation before I found that I was expected to know lots more about what was going on that I actually did.
I was assigned a major project within in my first 2 weeks, the project to find a way of rebuilding 1000's of relations within a database driven virtual learning environment. The system I was asked to work on was undocumented, was very badly maintained, and was written in a programming language I had only minimal experience of, and it had to be completed in 6 weeks. I was out of my comfort zone, and feeling like I was out of my depth.
I quickly found that the focus in the department was on firefighting and speed, and that I'd be expected to blitz programming projects in a quick time period, with minimal quality assurance or time for good practices to be employed.
I found this very stressful, and my problems with distraction, working in a bigger team, my need for perfection and the technically steep learning curve, I rarely met deadlines and this caused me to stress out my line management, and create a lack of confidence in my professionalism from my peers.
I also found the briefs for projects to be extremely open-ended and there was no way for me to effectively anticipate, prioritise or select which elements of a problem to focus on first.
Another facet of the new job was being asked to do lots of public speaking, and attend more and more meetings where I found the social interaction stressful and exhausting. This wasn't something that was part of the job description that I use as a form of certainty to define my role in the team, but I felt if I said that I was uncomfortable with doing that type of work, I'd be perceived as being difficult and not a team player as then someone else will have to do it instead.
I generally don't think that the things that I excel at are a business priority of the department, and the skills that I'm trying to get better at to make me quicker and a more productive employee are taking too long to develop in the eyes of management.
As such and I'm coming to the end of a 1 year fixed term contract that i'm considering not renewing.
With a recession looming, and a mortgage to pay I'm very concerned that when I go back to work I just run into the same problems again, and probably what I should do is hand in my notice and start looking for the rare new positions that show up now and again on the job boards.
Being signed off as sick, I'm out of the environment, I'm more relaxed but I can tell I'm on the cusp of major anxiety / depression if I go back to work and things are not addressed.
As I'm self diagnosed, I'm not sure that I can bring the matter up with occupational health / or HR, but I do think that if I can show them that the difficulties I'm having are due to aspects of my condition and not simply personal dissatisfaction, maybe they'd be more inclined to make allowances for me.
But I'm concerned that in my working environment, AS might be seen as weakness or an excuse for not being able to handle the workload.
I meet with my GP at the end of the week, and I'm none the wiser with regards what to do.
Any advice would be most appreciated.
Peter.
Recently diagnosed
Hi Peter
Just a thought since you are seeing a GP. Becoming aware of your AS (self-diagnosed or otherwise), just by itself, can be a very depressing experience. If this is the case for you, you may benefit from one of the new SSRI anti-depression medications. There is some controversy in the press about whether they really work; I happen to believe they do. The key thing is that any such treatment should start at a VERY LOW dose and hopefully stay there. Some of the newer medications (not Prozac) take effect quicker and also leave the body quicker (half life). There can be side effects like fatigue, but the benefits usually outweigh them.
If you are feeling depressed, it's worth at least bringing this up with your GP or psychologist.
Peter
Hi Peter, I'm just on the
Hi Peter,
I'm just on the St.Johns Wort for now, will see if that stablises my moodswings.
Thanks
Peter.
Wider Picture
Peter
Thank you for the posting and, firstly, congratulations of the success you made of your initial role. Shows you CAN succeed!
There are a number of issues here which, ultimately, you need to decide on based on your understanding of your current position - both from a work and an internal perspective.
My take is that you were not adequately prepared to take on the new role; not that you couldn't do it.
One of the things that I assiduously do before moving into any new position is ascertain exactly what is required (and match against my skill set/belief in what I can do), who I am working for and the demands i.e timescales involved.
Disclosure is, of course, hugely relevant in all of this. In my next e-letter (which should have gone out a couple of days ago!!!), I do a review of a book by Gail Hawkins entitled How to Find Work That Works For People With Asperger Syndrome.
It is incredibly useful; one of the best books on AS that I have read. It in, Hawkins strongly advocates disclosure.
Whilst accepting that there are possible negatives attached to doing so, she argues that the positives far outweigh them. On balance, I am inclined to agree with her, even though I have never disclosed myself.
I think that disclosure is central to many of the related issues that you are seeking answers to.
Before answering any of your questions further, can I ask if you feel that this is definitely not possible in your current situation?
Hi Malcolm, Thanks for
Hi Malcolm,
Thanks for taking the time to reply.
With respect to your question about disclosure, to be honest, I'm really not sure how this would be received by my line manager, and the senior manager above him.
In my position there is a defined ratio of support work to development work, with support work being the less mentally taxing, more remedial, less glamourous work, which everyone hates to do. Development work on the other hand is great for your career development, and future earnings.
Since I been having difficulties in my position, the ratio of support to development work that has been delegated to me has increased substantially, and this concerns me in that my employer is most likely thinking that is all I am capable of doing.
I wouldn't have applied for the position if the focus was primarily on support work, and I feel that I am being 'pushed' into this position due to an under-current of frustration I"m picking up from my peers and from my line management regarding my interaction and performance in the team. Invariably me taking so much time to do something that has been defined by my manager to take a third of the time is having repercussions on short term and long term financial asperations of the department.
So if I were to disclose to them that I believe that I am on the spectrum, I fear that due to the nature of the work and type of manager I have, I'll be edged into a purely support role (a career cul-de-sac), and become more and more ostracized from the team, with the perception of being difficult and a burden. I really don't think that my manager could understand something like aspergers, particularly if I'm telling him I'm self diagnosed.
I'm very sure that they are aware that I am having difficulties in my position by the way they interact with me, and I feel that they probably think I've mislead them on my C.V. to get the position by the amount of time that I take to do things and in their eyes the "lack of ambition" I'm showing with respect to new projects.
The success that I had in my last position was due to defining a work process that clearly defined the stages a project, and the roles and responsibilities of both the client and the developer. I had a lot of autonomy in my last position and could just be left to get on with the work. In my current position, I'm treated with kid gloves and all my work is filtered down to me in verbal instructions, or on an A4 hand written page of notes from a meeting that I didn't attend. And i guess this is part of the problem.
I'm not sure if the culture in my work could change to accommodate my needs.
I'm not too chummy chummy with my peers, and if I only disclose to my manager, then they may see that I'm getting 'special' treatment and may have an issue with this.
Proactive Decision
This is a difficult and, really, only you can make the decision.
From what you have written the problems started by not being properly prepared for your new role - which wasn't the case in the previous one. In other words you were prepared properly for the former, but not latter, which is how this situation arisen. However, it is largely too late to change that now.
I think it depends on whether: a) you feel you want/can stay in this position and; b) also whether you feel the company will allow you to do so.
My take with the former is that you cannot do so if you do not instigate changes - ones that ease the rate of learning, the work rate overall etc. I could be wrong but it seems as though your employer will not be happy for you to continue unless circumstances change/improve either.
If you carry on the way you are I suspect you won't be able to see the wood from the trees, the anxiety will remain and your output won't improve either.
As I say its your call. However, I personally would speak to your Line Manager and explain the situation to him as you see it.
If you feel comfortable about tell him confidentially about your AS and how you have only recently discovered you are affected and what it involves, then I would do so. (I would certainly speak confidentially to Occupational Health - that is what they are there for).
If not, I would ask to have a business discussion. Explain why you feel that you are stuggling and what needs to change to overcome it: less development work, clearer instructions, more time etc. Emphasise that you want to do well and progress, but the circumstances aren't allowing you to do so at the moment.
I suspect that if you can realise circumstances with which you feel comfortable then the others things will start to fall into place.
From my own past past experience I have found that, if left unchecked, things certainly won't improve and are more likely to get worse.
As I say, however, only you can decide given that only you know the actual circumstances you are working under.
Good luck!