Gothic clothes
Submitted by EstherKG on Tue, 04/14/2009 - 22:27.
My boyfriend has aspergers and he feels very uncomfortable if he's not wearing 'goth' clothes, which I find fine. However, we are both christians and some people in our church find it 'intimidating' or 'unfitting'. I've also wondered that if he was wearing clightly more normal clothes he might find it easier to fit in with other people, but I don't want to change him. Does anyone else notice an obession with certain styles or a want to look different?
Sometimes. I think you could
Sometimes. I think you could tell your boyfriend that some others might find his clothes a bit intimidating. But then again if they were real christians, they would be prepared to accept him, spikes and black leather and all. Their comments show more about their personal insecurities than anything the matter with your boyfriend's fashion sense.
Most aspies are not likely to really be amenable to change simply because others are uncomfortable about what they're doing. Unfortunately, goths come under much stigma as do punks and emos.
It could be because they are seen as rebelling against the commonly accepted order of things (and sometimes this is because the other people secretly would like to rebel too but are very afraid to).
Sadly, I have fallen away from going to church but am sure Jesus would not reject somebody because they dressed as a goth.
Clothes in a Work Context
I appreciate and sympathise on what you are saying but, in a work context, I don't believe that this issue can be ducked!!
We discussed this at Nottingham University during the third presentation I gave in my Transitions Project (preparing students for entry into the workplace) on Wednesday.
I am not saying that personal requirements should be ignored - far from it. If a person with Asperger syndrome is experiencing sensory pressures as a result of their clothing (skin irritation for example) then they are not going to be able to work productively and are likely to be come more stressed and anxious. Most would agree that this is one of the worst possible scenarios for someone with AS.
However, you must, I believe, make accomodations in this area to reduce the percpetion of "differentness" to acceptable proportions as some people will negatively judge you. I know strictly speaking it is wrong, but that is the way it is.
In my last company there was a programmer who dressed in a goth fashion. At first, this wasn't an issue: people accepted "Mike" for who he was.
Unfortunately, he had other idiosyncracies (he wasn't as an Aspie to my knowledge and I don't think he was either) and, slowly over time, people began to resent these.
The subject of his clothing then came into play and he was regarded as unkempt, slovenly and somewhat unclean generally.
I can remember being very surprised when the publisher of my book - Jessica Kingsley - commented on how important dress sense was for a person with AS when she conducted the editeding. To her, it was a VERY important issue.
I am not saying that we should'nt be ourselves, or that we dress in a way that is uncomfortable or "not us", but what I am saying is that dress in a work context needs to be appropriate.
If its not, it will have ramifications.
Okay, but how would you
Okay, but how would you really determine what was appropriate to wear in a work context whilst still allowing for sensory issues?
Finding the Balance
Agin, we discussed this at Nottingham last week.
It is imperative that you feel comfortable and at ease at work. Doing otherwise is going to cause tension, irritation and anxiety!
However, its also imperative to mix in. Starting off formally i.e. suit, is best and then observing. You can usually pick up pretty quickly the general dress sense of the place by looking at what people wear.
Considering the culture is also normally helpful. When I worked in the film industry the company I worked for was very traditional unlike most of the other organisations in the industry.
The dress code was clear - and very well set!