Freeked out by AS man
A couple of days back a man came into our ticket office. He was clearly odd and seemed rather simple and a bit boring. I knew instantly that he had AS. My collegue dealt with him but at the point where he said something like '...I get disabled discount because I've got Asperger's althought no-one can tell...' I froze.
A part of me wanted to jump in and say 'me to'. But that was over ridden by the part of me that resents discount cards and benefits (although I do get help because of my AS at work) because I was under big stress and working and he was on benefits and swanning around.
OK, I might be being unfair, but part of me cringed at this person (the word Asperger hasn't passed my lips even since diagnosis of fairly extreme AS in 2007) and part of me was a little envious that this guy was living the simple life and seemed happy.
I doubt he had my healthy bank account, big car, etc. but he seemed to enjoy a better life, maybe.
I'm really not sure. I think that I was a bit embarrassed to admit to him that I had AS but hadn't chosen to quit my stressful job and take my chances on an easier life.
Any thoughts?
I can relate to some extent
On one hand I would probably feel the same way like you about this guy, he's living a simple life and he seems happy with it. It appears he doesn't have any major worries or responsiblities. On the other hand I would probably realize this guy haven't gotten as far as me with progress. He's probably not working, is not too good with talking to people (even I'm not that great) and doesn't have certain prosessions like I have.
I have situations like this all the time. I meet someone that seems to have a better life than me or have less problems. Once I get to know them (in most cases) I find out my life in a lot of ways is better than them. As they say sometimes the grass on the other side is not necessary greener.
Michael, I think you can't
Michael, I think you can't get too upset about this man. Everybody has their cross to bear and for all you know, he could have envied you your job. Not very many aspies manage to get full time and stable jobs so you have done extremely well for yourself. But employers who are willing to make that little bit of extra effort to understand aspies seem to be in very short supply.
I have a younger brother here who is working with some aspies. Yesterday, I saw him and a man in one of the local shopping centres and thought the man was one of his table tennis players.
When he introduced him, he spoke just like rain man and it wasn't long before he asked how old I was and other things like that. He was also very anxious about going shopping and wanted to leave the food court that was quite crowded.
Two girls at another table were eye-rolling because he was talking loudly and acting a bit strangely. My younger daughter's dad was at another table and later asked "what was his problem?" I said I thought he was autistic and he said "you don't need to be disabled to be loud and obnoxious".
I wasn't there earlier but suspect this man probably acts very child-like in most situations. I found him okay but maybe that's because I have autism myself. My brother is gradually teaching him about socially appropriate behaviour and I think others obviously didn't understand that this man has a disability of some kind.
Getting back to the idea of telling somebody in a shop that you too have autism, I just don't know. Sometimes I tell people I have Asperger's but I'd use a little bit of discretion.
I don't think it's a good idea to envy people on benefits and discounts because it only makes you unhappy and it's the government's choice to pay them. If you're in the US, they must be quite significantly disabled to even get the pension; it's not quite as hard in Australia, but still difficult enough.
Perspective
I think that Pandora is right.
It sounds as though this person may have been quite severely autistic which is distinct in a way from having Asperger syndrome; certainly from the perspective of having, and holding down, a mainstream job.
I think its important to retain the belief that we are perfectly respectable and that, just because we are slightly different in some ways, it doesn't make us inferior in any way.
The older I get the more I realise that this is the case, the stance I should adopt and what I am going to believe in.
I think you did the right
I think you did the right thing in this situation by biting your tounge. This person that you encountered at your job might have some other problems with him too that enable him to recieve benefits and such. Rather than envy him, think about your nice car, bank account and steady job. Most people can't handle that, let alone fellow Aspies, so that's a great accomplishment.
Yes, that's a good point.
Yes, that's a good point. There is a chap on another forum who keeps on going on about how people with disabilities shouldn't be on a pension but how are they going to live if they can't get a job? As a caring society, we need to be sure we look after those who are disadvantaged.