Communicating Difficult/Complex Issues
As readers of my blog will know, I had a meeting this week with my boss this week so that she could inform me of changes to my work practices and schedule.
The changes were not to my advantage or liking and I didn't feel at all comfortable during the meeting. A feeling (that often does in such situations) came over me which is the hardest that I experience as a consequence of having Asperger syndrome and one which I still, after many, many years, have failed to resolve.
I find it almost impossible to strike the required balance between stating my (required) case, being assertive, not antagonising or alienating someone or compromising my position when I am in a situation that is detrimental to me.
What I was conscious of on Thursday was that there was change going on here, change that, to be honest, I was not going to be able to do anything about even though I didn't like it or that it was going to impact negatively on me.
To be fair to my boss, the company is in the middle of a takeover and the circumstances are unsure and nobody quite knows what is going to happen.
Against that, the company are bringing in extra (freelance) people who are working under the conditions that I would like to do, whilst I am being asked to undertake things which are disadvantageous.
I asked if the company would reconsider one aspect and she [my manager] said she would look into it but, "I have to say that there is not much chance of things changing"; in other words: there's no point, but I'll go through the motions. My boss is HR and works within a typical HR framework, i.e. think of the company's legal/corporate parameters first and so sticks very much to the strict letter of the law.
Throughout the conversation my mind was trying to think (something that I am not very good at doing "on the spot" because of my AS), about the possible consequences of standing my ground and demanding things - in other words being more assertive - and contrasting that with confronting something which is a battle I feel I cannot win and which, if I do confront it in the wrong way, could be damaging.
When this feeling comes over me (which is, I am certain, a direct consequence of my AS), - one of feeling uncomfortable or anxious, about dealing with a contentious issue - I am unable to approach it in the right way. My anxiety and uncomfortableness I believe come across as a sign of weakness and I am unable to retain the "friendly" but sufficiently assertive approach.
One method I have tried to utilise in such situations is to think: "what can they do to you, i.e. there is nothing harmful that can occur so simply statew your case". I do find this quite helpful. trying to retain a friendly stance is also beneficial. However, I am still a long way from overcoming the problem and feel I need to do a lot more on a personal level to bring about a methodology that delivers what I require.
I would be really interested if anyone else can offer any additional insight into this issue as it is one of my key learning/development areas and one that I really do feel that I need to resolve.