Can the World Afford

Can the World Afford Autistic Spectrum Disorder: Non-Verbal Communication, Asperger Syndrome and the Interbrain
Introduction

Precis

The review below is quite extensive for two reasons. Firstly, it is such a good book about such an important topic, that I had to review it comprehensively.

Secondly, it is quite a complex subject; one that I had some difficulty in condensing! As a consequence, the review is quite long.

The following is, therefore, a brief summary as to what it is about - The Interbrain - though I hope readers will read the review also given the benefits that would accrue from doing so.

The Interbrain is what the author Professor Digby Tantum describes as a connection between people. It is "unwritten", but something that neuro-typicals (NT's) exercise automatically and practice innately.

It revolves around non-communication and associated methods such as gaze. It is also often precisely what many with Asperger syndrome (AS) lack and which makes effective communication and relationship building with other people at times so problematic.

The Interbrain is what connects us to other people. In a work context it is the reason why I have sometimes not been "on-board": part of the team or fully accepted within organisations.

Establishing an interbrain connection can, therefore, be immeasurably beneficial and advantageous for a manager with AS. It can greatly assist in enabling one to forge relationships - and work - with people.

It is something that I believe every manager with AS should try to learn about, implement and practice.

Review

Can the World Afford Autistic Spectrum Disorder: Non-Verbal Communication , Asperger Syndrome (AS) and the Interbrain is by Professor Digby Tantam, a Professor of Clinical Psychology at the University of Sheffield in the UK. It is about non-verbal communication and how it shapes social behaviour for those with AS.
And what a marvellous book it is!

Throughout my career I can see looking back how communication – or the lack of effective communication with neuro-typicals (NT’s) - has negatively impacted upon my development as a manager.

Professor Tantum starts by making some statements that are well worthwhile considering and taking on-board. Everyone needs collaboration from others to create a social world. Everyone also, at different times, experiences different social groups.

However – and this is a critical point made early on - AS people are not taken over emotionally by these groups even though they may be intellectually there; there is an absence of “belonging”.

I well remember a colleague telling me after I had left my “career” job many years ago that he – like me – was never “on-board” in the company. Neither of us was ever fully accepted as part of the established “group”; we never “belonged”.

Its is only now looking back many years later that I can see just how detrimental this was in a corporate context. It was subsequently to have a major impact on the development of my career.

According to Professor Tantum, team working today has replaced individual genius. A manager needs to be aware of social and cultural trends – be receptive to the hopes, fears and expectations of others. To this I would add that a manager must be politically sensitive, aware and capable.

Effective operators in work environments use a direct kind of interconnection between people called the “Interbrain” and it is this that is the focal point of the book.

We can use the “interbrain” if we know how to use it, or how to exploit “affordances”, very much tour benefit. “Affordances” are pointers that guide but work without us having to think about them: NT’s attribute a soul to things that people with ASD do not. For example, a politician avoids unimportant issues at an election and picks up instead on those that matter most.

As the book says an Interbrain action affords a communication, a non-verbal communication that changes another person’s mood. Many revolve around social cues are often non-verbal; for example, if people are getting bored with a conversation they may start to shuffle.

The world affords to most of us a structure of non-verbal communication that points us in a direction, regulates our minds, indicates whether our beliefs have social approval and, generally, guides us.

Many difficulties for people with ASD however come back to this non-verbal communication.

What is Non-Verbal Communication and how does it Affect Us?

According to Professor Tantum, communication involves signs or “signals” - a change in voice for example. The connection between a word or “signifier” is created by culture and can be completely arbitrary.

What most people say or do can have several potential meanings due to emotional nuances. “This bag is heavy” may insinuate that there is too much in it. If it is accompanied by a smile it will not matter; a heft and grunt will mean the opposite. The effect may be extenuated if you dislike the person or your bodily state is in a heightened state of emotion and sends a negative message.

The book then looks at “channels of “communication”. Some channels are particularly useful for particular purposes. Speaking directly to someone for example enables adjustments to be made with regard to our demeanour. Choice of language should be appropriate for age, intelligence, social status and to context and therefore should be adjusted accordingly.

The implications of this from a workplace or managerial perspective are obvious: don’t challenge authority negatively, respect status and don’t interfere unnecessarily in the business of others – or at least without good reason – among others.
Different messages can also be combined into one communication.

All situations involve emotion and, usually, in relation to other people meaning that there will be social emotion involved. The lack of non-verbal interchange however can cut those with ASD off from those around them. This is certainly something that I have experienced as a manager with AS.

Iconic communication involves copying a distinctive kind of activity and knowing what movements are socially salient is important. Mimicry involves imitation and the book explores what should be imitated. How are naturalistic signs which are so important to communication recognisable and what makes us recognize them?

As Professor Tantum explains: if you do the same as other people you are one with them; there is a cohesion and a bond with them. For me, in a corporate context, this means being in tune with the way things are or need to go. What this is, is often not explicitly outlined. For example, I remember one colleague who had served nearly 20 years with the company being, in effect, constructively dismissed for not “buying into the new regime” following a change in management.

Facial expressions of emotion are identified as among the strongest of iconic signifiers, i.e. a smile. When we pose a facial expression we begin to experience the emotion that goes with it. It is also a very powerful way of hooking up with people; we connect with them when we experience their emotions and the same states of mind as they do. However, as the book says, people with AS often simply do recognize the non-verbal signs that other people make meaning that we [Aspies] don’t practice empathy.

So what is a non-verbal sign again?

A non-verbal signifier is an action, such as a facial expression, that evokes an involuntary imitation in another person because that person has the same innate motor scheme corresponding to the action. As Professor Tantum asserts, non-verbal signifiers are open to considerable subtlety and refinement. Consequently, we make judgements about whether the other person has received our communication and indicate to them whether or not we have received theirs – there needs to be a response from the person!

Signs of Relationship

Matching signals is an important part of in establishing close and maintaining close relationships. If people frequently exchange smiles it indicates that they are close. We show our relatedness to others by involuntarily mirroring their expression of joy, sadness or fear. Conversely we begin to put distance between ourselves and others if we do not mirror when we are expected to do so.

I believe that this is critical in a work environment. However, my Asperger need to have solitude, and desire to work independently “in my own way” and difficulty at times in forming working relationships with some colleagues, have hindered me from doing this.

As the book rightly says, in adulthood mirroring becomes more complex, particularly in group situations where the contribution or signifier needs to constitute different signs for different people. This is harder for someone with AS when they are in new or unfamiliar social situations and involves “feel”.

Social Influence

Mirrored facial expressions correspond to the same emotions being shared between two people. Attunement can, therefore, act as a regulator of any relationship and emotional state. In adulthood, the responsibility for emotional regulation falls on the adult and this is what I personally have found so hard at times to achieve at work.

Because I have failed to achieve this, I have at times experienced the next point investigated by Professor Tantum: distressed adults may respond with feelings of hurt, anger or defeat at adverse life events.

My failure to realise attunement with one [important] colleague resulted dramatically in this. The cause was not, as the book outlines, the “message” I [indirectly] sent to that person and which was not mediated by language; it was demonstrated without consciously thinking about it. According to Professor Tantum thinking of ways of dealing with this is one of the strategies people with AS need to develop in socially challenging situations.
Attunement or selective emotional responding can contribute to being good at influencing or persuading other people and are necessary skills for being a “people person”. Ergo for me operating effectively as a manager in a corporate environment.

Persuasiveness is especially important in groups as it is a means of getting what one wants by getting other group members to agree and go along with things. People with AS tend to use reasoned [logical] argument meaning that they are less able to exert influence over other people and this leads further to social isolation.

Looking up to someone, or looking down on someone

The book outlines “affiliative status” or when people are positively pre-disposed towards each other or vice-versa. However there are many other statuses of importance in relationships: power and authority relations between people.

According to Professor Tantum, dominance is of critical importance in non-primate groups and is indicated by “displays” emanating from indexical signifiers, i.e. threat displays. I have experienced this in the form of bullying from aggressive management, something which my AS has made difficult for me to deal with.

Status is much more multi-stranded in situations specific in human groups, but identifying who is most popular can still be done by observing how often people speak and how often others look at them or the opinion held about them. For me observing who holds influence and to whom discussion gravitates towards have been useful indicators in companies that I have worked for.

As with affiliation, none of us learn explicitly the signs of deference, but they are built in and released when exposed to hierarchical situations. The book outlines how NT’s respond to these and use and observe them.

Hierarchies based on status attached to different occupations or, even more subtly, the informal status of people however are challenging for someone with AS. I believe that this is certainly true, not least of all because those in power often misused their position for personal or egotistical reasons – which is anathema for the logical/fair mode of thought as demonstrated by a person with Asperger.

Status differences however are an indispensable element of social structure and they enable organizations and groups to function. Being oblivious to these, a person with AS sometimes is, can cause offence or disrupt the smooth functioning of groups or teams which, in turn, leads to employment difficulties often for quite trivial reasons by not demonstrating deference.

Combining icon and index

The book then looks at how similarity is of special importance in conveying meaning. How, if we don’t imitate someone, we send the message that they are below our status.

I demonstrated this once with an individual who was the central point of the chapter “If You Meet That Person” in my book “Managing with Asperger Syndrome”. The individual in question would put people down, belittle and take advantage of them; they were also expected to revere him. To me that, of course, was unfair and I was never going to do it. Readers of the book know about the – unfair – consequences.

What is the Significance of Gaze and Shared Attention

This chapter investigates that perennial Asperger issue: eye contact. Mutual gaze is when two people look into each other’s eyes and so make eye contact. Gaze according to Argyle serves three purposes: to get information from a target to whom we direct our eyes; to send signals to accompany speech and; to control the flow of information: needless to say, most readers with AS will identify with difficulties here.

As Professor Tantum outlines, AS speakers tend to concentrate on what they are saying and gather less information from their listeners: the reverse is true for listeners. People with ASD look more when they are speaking than when they are listening.

Gaze is also used to “punctuate” speech or to highlight key points and ASD’s use fewer of these “paralinguistic signals”. These two uses of gaze blend into a third: controlling the flow of conversation or “turn-taking”. I have found this vital when talking at managerial meetings by identifying when somebody else wants to interject.

The book then investigates why gaze has a special significance. According to Professor Tantum, people with ASD may not have “primary gaze reflex” or being aware of people looking at us. Professor Tantum calls this “the look” which means people have to decide whether to look back or respond to others.

There are various reasons for this all of which are applicable in a corporate setting. Mutual gaze can be a bid for dominance and, maybe therefore, a threat. It can also be a sign of closeness. We have to therefore decide if a look is a signal of closeness or challenge. Our judgements here are influenced by our mood, the atmosphere and our expectations.

Not making eye contact with ASD may provoke fear not friendliness. Staring is an impairment of mutual gaze. Gaze behaviour is influenced by our ability to read the meaning behind other people’s gazing using other expressions such as what the book describes as dis-ambiguators: combining information from two or more non-verbal communication channels.

Unlike most people who break off mutual gaze if they feel it is threatening, an ASD may maintain it because they are taught to maintain [inflexible]eye contact. Consequently getting it “right” is difficult: direct gaze is either avoided or direct eye contact maintained to the point of staring. What I do is concentrate hard on maintaining eye contact, but with regular [brief] “look-aways” to prevent any impression of staring as making the other party feel uncomfortable. This is especially imptant in formal meetings.

You don’t see me anymore

I found this section very interesting. The book describes how the world we communicate with non-verbally is very different from the world we talk about. The way ASD’s find it very difficult to describe how they differ from NT’s is described by Professor Tantum “non-narrativity”.

Establishment of a relationship means that there is an emotional charge associated with meeting the other person. There may even be an emotion associated with routine meetings. I would describe this more as a connection.

The text describes how people with ASD often have difficulty separating an acquaintance from a friend. The latter involves investing emotion and each friendship has an emotional flavour left from previous meetings: friendship involves a shared history.

I have to say that I often find it is the opposite that presents difficulties for me in a corporate context: I have too often regarded colleagues as friends, or at least, they are disposed in a friendly way towards me. This is a position that I have learnt the hard way can be unrealistic and very dangerous.

As the book asserts, ASD’s often don’t have these prompts. They forget to call people on their birthday – the “rules of friendship” or the emotion central to nonverbal communication – are often absent. They fail in application by applying rules slavishly without using empathy. Similar absences (acknowledging authority) can have negative consequences in a work context also.

Gaze and Attention

If we do not look at someone else it sends the message: they are not of interest. If we do look, we can gain considerable information about the other person. We may deduce not only their level of interest, but something about their mental state.

I believe that this is directly the case with AS, only even more pronounced. I have learnt an enormous amount as a manager simply by observing experienced/capable operators. How they deal with conflict is a pertinent example that immediately springs to mind.

As important for me, as the chapter points out, is how the lack of eye-contact or non-communication may lead the other person to become more forceful and even threatening. My Asperger has created “distance” between me and other people, often unintentionally, something that I have worked hard to prevent by proactively reaching out to, and engaging with, people.

Gaze Following

Humans have specific gestures that indicate attention, i.e. cupping the ear to point it in the direction of sound for example.

Gaze is the most highly developed pointing system in visually-driven animals: if someone stares up to the sky then others are likely to also. We can make other important inferences from expressions like joy, surprise, fear, anger and so on.

People with ASD have great difficulty in seeing another person’s point of view in a metaphorical sense. Humans deliberately show things to each other. To do this they need to catch the other person’s gaze and can select from a number of channels, i.e. vocalizations. People show others not what is just apparent in the world, but what is in their “mind’s eye” or what is in their mind, (Theory of Mind - TOM): however, what a person with AS sees with their mind’s eye may be very different to what others see with their eyes.

The book outlines how “declarative pointing” can be a useful method for redirecting another person’s attention which, in turn, can enable one to gain control over another person. Bidding for people’s attention encompasses social skills such as entertaining, negotiating or bargaining with them; or keeping them more interested generally.

Joint attention involves interpreting gaze direction in combination with facial expression – just like pretend play. For me this involves fully engaging with the other person by paying full attention, listening to them and, as far as possible, respecting their position and views. These are also essential pre-requisites for operating in a corporate context.

Another technique is by overcoming how the author describes how people with ASD use fewer gestures where speech alone will not do. They often lack the: “look, something important is coming up” that emanates from a sharp gaze in someone’s eyes and which are an increased bid for attention! I too try to use non-verbal gestures to augment my verbal delivery; when delivering a presentation for example.

What do People Make of Non-Verbal Communication?

“At every moment, there is in us an affinity or perceptions, unaccompanied by awareness or reflection. That is why we are never indifferent, even when we appear to be most so…. The choice we make arises from invisible stimuli” (Leibniz).

It is normal to dream and communicate without words and we spend a large part of each day doing so. Part, I believe, of what makes me different as a person with AS is the way I think internally about things. In a management context, I reflect deeply on issues and – at times – come to some quite incisive insight and thought as a result.

The next point that the chapter makes made me think: speech and non-verbal communication are not incompatible. According to Professor Tantum much “paralinguistic” or non-verbal communication is tied to speaking or listening. Our understanding benefits from adaptation of linguistic code to the particular needs of the listener whilst non-verbal communication is continuous.

What I think I meant by this is that, whilst non-verbal factors like respect for authority in a corporate hierarchy remain largely consistent, the language or discourse that we use needs to vary by person, personality and manager.

“Mystery mining”

The chapter then moves on to outline how non-verbal communication or “body language” is a reflection of extracting and interpreting patterns. This interpretative step is known as “mystery mining”.

Being in business requires the skill to read other people like a book, being in a relationship or even looking for a relationship. However, deliberate interpretation will always be open to error as reading a face or personality is complex and not rule bound. I know only too well how true this is.

Another interesting point that is made is how the problem of “I can read you like a book” approach means there is a reliance on “what leaks out” when a person is trying to control their non-verbal communication. What we can consciously attend to may not be the “real” message.

I find it difficult to tell when a person is lying, or perhaps more pertinently, when they are not telling the whole truth. I have seen this described in a book on organisational behaviour as “acting”: putting on a show or “playing the game” to protect ones’ own position. The innate honesty inherent within my AS has made this very difficult for me, but I have learnt of the need – as far as my conscious allows – fr me to do this.

This leads nicely on to the next point made in the book….

Why People with AS Don’t Lie and Why they Sometimes Smile Inappropriately

Transient expressions are a kind of micro-movement and are difficult for neuro-typicals to inhibit. According to Professor Tantum, ASD’s simply cannot do this for two reasons.

Many people use gaze as their main reason for detecting lying. Looking straight at someone is a sign of honesty. If ASD’s don’t then NT’s will find them find confusing. ASD’s may also smile when feeling anxiety which is construed as a submissive gesture as they want to show their lack of threat. Other people, however, see it as devious and involuntary meaning that the leakage is seen as insincere.

The second reason why ASD’s tell the truth is because they lack empathy. Telling others the unvarnished truth can often hurt, an impact which is normally minimised by white lying which also prevents others/us from being hurt. Empathy is required to lie well so one can adjust one’s [white] lie according to how it is being taken by the other party.

If someone can anticipate the consequences of lying they will find it stressful because of the burden of “cognitive load” (having it on one’s mind) and the performance demands of suppressing leakage. Lying may also conflict with strongly held values and so lead to emotional stress.

I have found this is very challenging in a corporate context. Most poignantly when I was called to a last minute meeting and put on the spot in front of my manager to whom I felt a high degree of loyalty. I couldn’t tell the whole truth, but couldn’t white-lie effectively either!

As a manager with AS I am not fully sure what the answer to this is. My innate sense of honesty – or “honesty to a fault” as Tony Attwood describes it – means that, at best, I am very poor at telling white lies.

In the above mentioned meeting when I was put on the spot the person opposite sensed I was uncomfortable. He did so too in the meeting that followed-up a when I maintained eye-contact too persistently when I came under pressure again; his sixth-sense picked up n this.

My stance here now is quite clear. I do everything I can to prevent such occurrences by trying to ensure that I can justify my position by ensuring that I do what I know needs to be done. If I can’t do this I seek to move. If it does occur I try to be sanguine about it. I am what I am and accept that I can’t be anything else!

Performance and Non-Verbal Communication

The book then moves onto to ground which is highly relevant and applicable to management/workplace and non-verbal communication.

Knapp asserts that non-verbal communication does have a special link to relationships and to emotion. We try to manage our non-verbal expressions of emotion in response to cultural expectations by focusing on our gestures, facial expressions and posture. Controlling my emotion in a work context, especially whilst under pressure when anxious, has been far from easy so any lessons I can learn here would be welcome.

According to Professor Tantum our non-verbal communication is mostly unintentional and even automatic. However, though we don’t know what we are communicating doesn’t mean we can’t try to improve on it – by increasing our body’s communicative capacity for example. The problem for someone with ASD is their lack of empathy which hinders them from doing so.

The key to improvement is advocated as persuasiveness: a good argument that wins the other party over and non-verbal communication plays an important role. As Professor Tantum asserts persuasion is as essential social skill in bridging conflicts with people and I would certainly agree. Without it coercion or non-cooperation would be more frequent for people with ASD who find themselves submitting more or forcing others to submit – or being excluded from social activities.As the philanthropist Andrew Carnegie once said: “the best way to prevent an argument is to avoid getting into one in the first place”.

My experience has taught me that, no matter how heightened the provocation or how anxious my AS dictates I become, there is no real benefit in losing ones’ composure or getting involved in an argument; certainly at least in a corporate setting.

The best way to deal with contention – and deal with personal attacks – is to retain ones composure and exude gravitas. Central to this is focusing on facts and using established argument. Find evidence, present it to the other person.

Collaboration as a Function of Non-Verbal Communication

The text then investigates the subject of persuasion and makes the salient point that it is another aspect of collaboration. An important factor here is timing; of being in the right place at the right time. Collaborators, it is argued, also need to do something simultaneously or serially with others. For me in a work environment, this is about forming relationships.

The author then moves on to investigate discourse more closely and how conversation is a serial activity: how people take turns to speak based on “timing” signals revolving around iconic signs: a handshake begins or ends a social exchange for example.

The book provides some very useful pointers that relate strongly in a corporate context. If a verbal exchange is too brief it may indicate lack of interest; if it goes on too long, it may feel uncomfortable for the other person. How long the conversation should go on for depends on factors such as when we saw the last person, if we have news to exchange, if they are pre-occupied or their social status relative to us.

The text looks at the pace of any exchange which I found very insightful. Frequency of timing (fast or slow) and signals can vary. However, so long as other people can adjust to this it doesn’t matter to an interaction. If the variation is too great or inconsistent then there is a breakdown and the interaction fails. The latter may be due to rhythm. A driven person will drive this up amongst other people around them; and vice-versa with someone who is more languid.

As Professor Tantum, says people with ASD have rhythms, but because of the lack of synchronicity of timing signals, they may not become entrained with those around them. They are unwilling to change their patterns to suit others as it does not come naturally to them.

I think that this is a very important lesson. I can see how, looking back, I have come to dominate – albeit unwittingly – conversations at work. Part of this has been due to enthusiasm and passion for getting my point across; part of it also has been due to anxiety and the need to “make myself heard”. As a manager with ASD, I know I must slow down, exude gravitas and allow the other person to make their point also, respect it – and take it on board.

As the book rightly says, at work people wish for “more structure” to prevent them drifting and achieving little. Structure is provided by collaboration, partly through planned timetables, but mainly through the rhythms of social worlds which then become part of us.

The lack of this with people with ASD leads to everyday problems due interestingly to what Professor Tantum describes as a lack of “entertainment”. Some people simply lack structure and drift or get distracted and rely on timetables, (that’s often been me!) and to undermine this often seems threatening to people with ASD who resist change and become angry/anxious if change is thrust upon them. Others match their rhythms to others who, unknowingly, match their own preparations to the rhythms of others.

Now I seek to try to gauge developments within an organisational context or the “way the land lies” and adapt my approach accordingly. I also watch others and try to remain in sync with where they are going, particularly influential managers or “important others”.

The book then moves onto what is described as “collaborative attention”.

Working with other people requires the ability to focus on the same task or issue; it requires joint attention. But collaboration is more than that; it requires getting another person’s attention on yourself and being able to redirect their attention to the job in hand. I have to say that this is something that, as a manager with ASD, I have sometimes found quite hard and failed to achieve.

Gaze signals joint attention. However, engagement does not rely on any particular communication channel or even a particular signal. It is an interconnection between two people established not only by gaze, but also by imitation or even vocalization. For me this involves understanding what another manager is trying to achieve - or what their responsibilities are - and incorporating that position into my mode of thinking and operations.

The copying of someone else is a motor-skill that exemplifies the importance of attention. As Professor Tantum correctly asserts, NT’s observe others doing things, but many with ASD do not. Here what is described as “backward chaining” may be more relevant than imitation: the performing of an action literally to make the task stand-out.

The next point - hidden in plain sight - is also insightful and relates, I believe, to the egocentric nature of the Asperger personality profile. Conscious awareness is made up of what we are conscious of – and what we can reflect on – in our awareness. There is much that we will be aware of, but much also that we are not conscious of and, as a consequence, our [ASD] interpretation of non-verbal communication may be quite wrong.

As Professor Tantum describes, detecting deception is an important task which confronts many of us regularly and this is certainly true in a working environment. We need to be conditioned to identify and respond to the transient movements of particular communications as non-verbal communication is about knitted together collaborative action.

I didn’t fully understand this point, but believe it is about taking non-literal things into consideration such as hidden agendas and “what goes on around here”.

The book then goes on to explore the interbrain more specifically.

The human-to-human connection is wireless and mediated by non-verbal communication. Being in contact with someone else can alter a person’s mood or attention. People we know are “contacts”; we have a “social network”; we become “thatched” or “bond” with others. This cannot be achieved without concerted effort of course, particularly in a corporate setting.

Many connections are created and deliberately maintained. Those that are not, such as our emotional bonds to others, are open to our introspection. However, our non-verbal communication is not open to awareness in the same way.

The interbrain brings out this non-intentional connectedness, (the term “distributed cognition” is also referred to: Hutchins, 1995) and is a kind of automatic networking. Social networking is more than just a useful group of friends and acquaintances, it what makes people gel and operate together.

Many of us experience connections to other people that we feel are something much larger. Normally, our different experiences and emotions keep us further apart from people meaning that our minds are quite disconnected. In many cases people do not have that much in common so we need (as managers) do develop them.

However, as the text goes on to outline, people in groups are fused by networks, i.e. alcoholics anonymous. Communication requires a common, recognisable protocol. Gaze is described as one; security is another via “secure attachment”. Matching non-verbal signals indicates affiliation or liking and, after, the exchange of information hence we most easily sympathize with those who resemble us.

From a personal perspective I cannot emphasise just how important this is for a manager with Asperger syndrome. My “differentness” has sometimes meant that I am not “on-board” in the eyes of colleagues. I am not attached to them or have not felt secure in a role which is precisely what I require. It is almost as though my AS is working against the very thing that it needs the most!

It is for this reason that I have worked so hard to develop relationships and links to colleagues. If I do feel part of the team it is highly motivational. It means that I feel accepted and “liked” and it mitigate the potential damage that so many issues that stem from not being part of the crowd.

The section of the book then finishes with a paragraph that is worth reflecting on. “Upward” or “U” allows dominance related statuses, like status, to be incorporated. Individuals in authority expect to speak more and be listened to when they speak so they do more “uploading”. D individuals on the other hand are expected to be guided, advised to follow, listen….well, download. Key message for a manger with AS: respect authority or, if you do challenge it, consider your actions carefully before doing so!

Implications for ASD

The book then moves on to look at what some of the implications of all this are for a person with AS.

Professor Tantum believes that ASD social impairment is not because of specific problems in social processes, but because they are sometimes cut off from other people. People with AS can and do make contact through language.

Being cut off from non-verbal communication has a profound impact on people with ASD. As seen theory-of-the-Mind (TOM) is the ability to bring other people into our minds through an inner narrative or simulation so we can anticipate how they may react before we carry out a planned action.

As readers of my book Managing with Asperger Syndrome will know, I passionately believe that people/managers with Asperger can formulate excellent working relationships with people. The key, I have found, is not to cut oneself off, but to force oneself to get in there and “just do it” however hard that may appear/feel at first.

Related to this point is the next issue described: caches.

Working memory is a temporary store. Impairments in working memory in people with attention-deficit disorder may be associated with impairments in impulse control: “I didn’t think”. Not thinking may extend further to not thinking about how other people will be affected by one’ s actions.

If people are present one can check their immediate reactions to an action, or the suggestion of an action. If they are absent, the cached (mental information store) could be why a person says “it didn’t occur to me that anyone would be upset if I did that!”.

Over time I have built up a mental memory store of examples and actions that I have acquired from experience and by observing other managers. This has been invaluable in assisting me with forging relationships, and dealing with, different people.

What is the Evidence that Impaired Non-Verbal Communication is the Fundamental Problem of Autistic Spectrum Disorder?

This chapter starts with a very prescient quote:

“The social animal is always led to majority conclusions, going with the flow, following the crowd. The Autistic thinker comes to their own conclusions and doesn’t care if they are not socially acceptable. We are all interdependent whether we are aware of the fact or not and if each of us persist in being the centre of our own existence we are doomed to suffer at each other’s hands.” (Arnold, 2003)

The above certainly got me thinking. Professor Tantum believes that people with AS are more unique than anyone else. They are free, but they are also outside the system; they do what they have always done such as wearing clothes that do not conform to the culture and being disconnected from the interbrain means being disconnected from these conformist influences.
What are the reasons for this?

Anxiety and comfort seeking: is repetition fundamental to ASD?

Repetitiveness and self-comforting – liking for routines etc – may, in part, be due to anxiety. People with ASD may not change clothes and are “sticky” in this way. They tend to bring conversation back to what interests them and then carry on with it; they may take an all-encompassing interest in something for a short while and later become interested in something else having learned enough about the first subject. This is why they are less good at seeing the “wider picture” because they have not been taught how to see it!

I can see how it in a work context this definitely applies to me. In the past I have perhaps been an insufficient “starter-finisher”: I commence projects very enthusiastically, but don’t entirely see them through. Making a list and assiduously completing it has really helped me in this area.

Social cognition refers to the social or emotion brain. Emotionless thinking is rare in practice, but, as the book rightly I believe outlines, sometimes people with ASD are particular exponents of it.

Professor Simon Baron-Cohen calls this “systemizing” which is similar to empathizing. The latter is a complex skill and not easily reduced to basic components; it requires different skills and a kind of emotional openness. ASD’s are not emotionally open to empathy and may hide emotions from themselves by means of dissociation. It is for this reason that I have learnt and believe that proactively reaching out to work colleagues – especially those that I perceive to be problematic – is so beneficial.

Linking theories together? The text then takes a stab at trying to bring all this theory/information together which, I feel, is very useful.

According to Professor Tantum, many current ASD theories may also apply to others, i.e. empathy failure theory. One way of linking them is by linking them to different stages of the development pathway. So, there is one underlying impairment whose manifestation changes others because different developmental stages relate to different aspects of social interaction or they build on each other. The book addresses these issues by asking and answering questions.

What do we need a single theory for?

Some people question whether there can be a single theory of autism and that the fundamental impairment of ASD is the result of the breakdown of several different psychological functions (and pathways in the brain).

Coping with ASD means looking behind the symptoms to what is happening in the person’s experience and in their mental processes; we need “raters” to interpret behaviour to explain what the implications are – what it means in everyday life to have ASD.

Why do I think that being Socially Offline is the Fundamental Impairment of ASD?

Providing the explanation of non-verbal communication in relation to ASD makes sense of so many of the difficulties: understanding how other people are feeling and thinking is difficult unless one is told. Other people will also not understand what the person with ASD is thinking and feeling either.

In a work context the most important thing here from an individual perspective is to inform other people of my requirements. If I need solitude I seek a private workspace. If I am unclear of my tasks or what is required of me I explicitly ask.

Why is non-verbal communication neglected?

Professor Tantum believes that it is not totally neglected by those with ASD and I agree. The focus of the problem needs to be shifted from looking at the brain in isolation but as it as a network. The functions served by non-verbal communication fail because the wireless connection does not get established and so the signal (message) does not get through.

A communication breakdown means that people go their own way and so become more idiosyncratic. This is what I believe has happened often to me as a manager with AS. I work in my own space and do not reach out sufficiently to co-workers if communication is not effective.

The book describes this as “demand avoidance syndrome” - where social situations are broken up where the person feels uncomfortable or unable to cope.

The lack of empathy that ASD’s demonstrate is often cited by others as the problem that upsets them the most. ASD’s can often empathise, but only when it interests them: not letting people know when one disappears for example (or what I am thinking or working on) – means other people are not “internalized”.

Empathy requires the capacity for emotional contagion or connection to the interbrain, so we are provided with the information about what the other person is thinking through their expressions. Most people, unlike ASD’s, do not switch off when they are not in non-verbal communication with them: we can still see their facial expression, hear their tone of voice.

Professor Tantum believes that, for which there is little evidence currently, that alongside our real-time experience of other people’s emotions, thoughts and beliefs, people with ASD are storing these experiences in memory, or in a cache through which we experience other people. This is encouraging from a management perspective because it is what, as I mentioned previously, I have begun to do or…..

People with ASD need to develop a cache of other people’s reactions to base their prediction of what they are feeling when they are not with them. If not, other people will cease to exist if the ASD person is not attending to them.

For me, this means making an initial judgement of that person and their personality – which I think I am quite good at – and them giving some thought as to how I am going to engage and interact with them going forward. The experience I have gained as a manager has enabled me to build up quite a good cache in this area.

Is an Impairment of Non-Verbal Communication a Brain Problem?

I liked the next point which, I think, is highly relevant: we are well short of understanding the whole communicative cycle. What I think is being outlined here is that a manager with AS struggles to fully place all modes of communication into a holistic context. The text, however, provides some examples that are useful to reflect on.

(a) “Icons” are an important building block of non-verbal communication and their use involves copying or imitation. This is involuntary and rapid and is sometimes known as “automatic” or “reflexive” to distinguish it from voluntary processing and which is conscious and normally requires language. Imitation of gestures is an example.

(b)“Gaze”. Most people possess a gaze detection system which can be mediated when mutual gaze is perceived as a threat of challenge and gaze avoidance as a submission. ASD’s are less able to discern “intention” which can be disadvantageous as first and second gaze reflexes contribute to judgements about intentions. This, I believe, can be important and highly beneficial in a business context. I try very hard now to ascertain what the intention or motive of the other party is.

(c)“Evidence for the cache”. According to Professor Tantum, people do not necessarily behave differently simply because they have no non-verbal communication with others, but a consequence is that, over time, social behaviour can deteriorate.

TOM may be what fills the gap in a person being off the interbrain; one can envisage what they may be thinking - the knowledge just comes to a person. If a person is present their gaze direction and emotional state are important cues about what she is thinking and these are important connections in the interbrain network. Cached information is derived from areas of the brain activated by emotional faces and gaze direction.

I have found that practising these facets in a work context can be hugely beneficial. As the book goes on to outline, how a person responds in a “game” can quickly lead to a “judgement” of either trust or distrust in a player. This judgement is an emotional thought. An area of the brain interfaces emotions, thoughts and memories and is also activated when making moral judgements and about the self when compared to others.

This point resonates 100% with the main difficulty in a relationship that I encountered in my career. The issue started with a phone call which, with hindsight, was the protagonist letting me know that he was “somebody important around here”. The rule was unwritten of course, and because of my AS I failed to pick up on it. My “judgement” of this person was literal – he was being unfair and acting unethically – a judgement which subsequent events over the years was proved to be largely correct.

Instead what I did was as the author then outlines: I reflected on how the person responded by means of intellectual calculation. Here there is no inter-subjective, empathic or reflexive element involved and so no interbrain link. According to Professor Tantum people with AS use their feelings about another person and the cold calculation of how they are acting to judge whether to trust them or not. This depends however on an active interbrain connection which, of course, did not automatically come into play because of my AS.

Attachment theory: the interbrain and the cingulate

I have to confess that I find my inner state of feeling and motivation, at times, variable. When I am up, I find that I can work very effectively and with high degrees of motivation. When it’s the opposite…

The book calls this contagion of mood. It often appears because of anxiety something which I studied as part of my Open University degree in Psychology.

From a practical, i.e. work perspective, this relates to being accepted or, as previously mentioned being “on-board”. The insular nature of my AS has often meant that I have not been able to achieve this; something which has had profound consequences for me as a manager.

As the book says, proximity is innate and often associated with specific vocalizations that are a requirement for non-verbal/interbrain communication. Attachment delivers protection from predators. Proximity also enables learning – either by instruction or, more pertinently, imitation.

By not forming an effective working relationship with the protagonist in the example cited above, meant that he held a grudge against me going forward and which he used to my terminal detriment.

What are the Consequences of Living with an Impairment in Non-Verbal Communication

This chapter looks more closely at what exactly it is about having an ASD that might create social impairment. It is a very relevant chapter in when set in a business context.

The breakdown in communication leads to much of the distress and social impairment associated with ASD in five areas: being victimized, being marginalized, being out of touch with one’s feelings, making an identity and thinking differently.

a) Victimization

Being bullied leads to feelings of shame which often results in a person with AS keeping silent. According to Professor Tantum bullying is considered normal by many meaning that bullies don’t believe they are doing anything wrong; instead they are “normalizing” other people’s behaviour. This is often because they have either been bullied themselves or have concerns about their own normality. Bullies demonstrate social conformity by imposing them on others.

I can resonate with this point from two different examples. In the instance of the protagonist listed above, I believe that it was a defence mechanism. I don’t think that it was me per se, (though my reaction antagonised him initially), but I was the “deflector”, the person on whom blame could be deflected. To, again, use the words of my colleague: “if it’s your fault, it can’t be his”.

Our own bullying is held in check by our participation in the social network (i.e. acceptance) and does so, so long as others in our network value tolerance more than conformity. According to Professor Tantum, other people will believe that a person with ASD could conform if they wanted to and so should be made to do so.

This is, I believe, is an important point, especially in a work environment. Organisations are political structures with cultures. Like it or not, a manager with AS has to adapt to that.

This extends to the next point made. Many people with ASD believe that all NT’s are the same and so what they experience from them is representative. This can lead to aggression towards one person, often selected because of their vulnerability and, therefore, the feeling that people are “against me”. Consequently, people with ASD feel that others are justified in their attacks and have no alternative but to accept it.

I have learnt that this is not the case and that I must NOT accept it. Again, in the case of my protagonist, my inner feeling was one of that I was partly to blame. I wasn’t. I exacerbated the situation by my response to his initial attack, something which I have learnt that I must never do, but I was not to blame to start with.

The next point also applied to me: often there is no-one to confide in and there are no known, effective means to deal with inter-personal conflict except than iterating what is right and proper, something that won’t work with a bully. Organisations can be lonely places.

If other people’s negative opinion coincides with low self-esteem then all one can do is hide which results in shame – this was the outcome I have outlined above. However, people with low self-esteem do not “lack” anything: except an excess of shame meaning they instead adopt tactics like avoidance.

My protagonist was a director and so held the “power”. Looking back I should have confronted him with facts, but also needed to accept the potential consequences. The key lesson that my experience has taught me is this: it is essential to maintain an inner feeling of not having done anything wrong individually i.e. by reacting and so losing the high ground. If I can look myself in the face and say I am blame-free this gives me the feeling of strength/righteousness to address the issue later.

b) Being Out of Touch with Emotions

ASD’s often have an “all or nothing” outlook to relationships: they do not demonstrate the flexibility or give and take that is so important to them. I can certainly resonate with this: if I meet someone whom I dislike or disapprove of then I have failed to disguise that. I have learnt to my costs that, in a commercial context, this is luxury that cannot be indulged in.

The text uses infants as an analogy - how they view the world as wholly good or wholly bad and fail to recognize their own impact on the world. As a consequence, they view other people as good or bad like them.

Professor Tantum believes in a simpler view: there is an optimum value for “closeness”, which is described as equilibrium theory. It applies to our emotions in relationship to others; other people’s emotions will balance our own. If a person is obviously unhappy then we will respond to that. ASD’s are often offline to these emotional influences and, as a consequence, their emotions are un-modulated.

However, some people with ASD also have strong antipathies and likings for others; the problem is, is that these cannot be communicated through the interbrain. Emotions are hidden from other people and are vested in objects which NT’s find emotionally neutral, i.e. disruption to a train timetable. Doing small things to demonstrate empathy can, I have learnt, really help here. Bringing something back from holiday like biscuits to share with colleagues (to show that I have been thinking of them is one example.

c) Persuasiveness and impact

Empathy is what prevents us from acting to further our own ends at the expense of other people. Fellow feeling – or emotional contagion – will be automatic for most managers, but disconnection from the interbrain reduces empathy for a manager with AS.
The book cites a useful commercial example. Success in negotiation requires a single-minded focus on a goal, plus skill in social interaction which requires confidence and a belief that one is right.

Negotiation also involves giving in when appropriate and pushing where possible. However, ASD’s lack this via loss of interbrain connection and empathy; they often, therefore, lose out, especially in groups. Followers need to be actively involved in, and part of, a group to maintain their position.

The last paragraph highlights perfectly many of the difficulties that I have encountered as a manager with Asperger. Because I was never fully “on-board” or accepted in my key career role, I was unable to establish the gravitas and security that I needed to effectively great across the message that I knew was needed to address the key issue that desperately needed to be addressed.
It is for this reason that I have come to fully appreciate not only the enormous benefit of proactively building relationships with colleagues across the spectrum, but also the necessity of doing so.

d) Being marginalized

The book then outlines another important reason for marginalization: the unwitting lack of conformity with dress, taste in music or other identifiers in groups. As readers of Managing with Asperger Syndrome will know, I have worked hard to address this issue also by addressing what Professor Tantum lists as the major reason: lack of empathy. The danger as he goes on to point out is of ASD’s achieve impact through aggression which can appear shocking to other people. Again, I have demonstrated this in the past and have mentally conditioned myself to try at all costs to negate this reaction.

e) Making an Identity

The book then looks at what Heidegger describes as “being there”; being in a social world with others. We are thrown into a [company] world and imbued with biology and culture. Heidegger believes that we can free ourselves from this by perceiving ourselves authentically – being beyond our actual circumstances. For me, certainly in a corporate context, this angle offers real potential as it offers the opportunity for someone to be Asperger –or themselves.

As the text very saliently goes on to outline, few people have freedom about the choices they need to make; a lot of it is shaped by others. This is most certainly true in the world of work. There is rarely one specific influence, only a general field of influences that corresponds to the interbrain influence on us.

Our identity is shaped this way meaning that ASD’s struggle with their identity as part of our identity is socially prescribed. However, people create an identity or a “persona” that conceals our private identity; these performances may get audience approval or not. Gradually we are pressured into adopting only those roles that get approval.

This highlights what, for me, is a real difficulty for a manager with AS, but also an essential learning requirement. The corporate culture one works within will inevitably have an impact on how a person with Asperger reacts. It is for this reason that I have always worked hard to identify a corporate culture that can accommodate my Asperger.

I have also, within the constraints of my condition, worked to “play the game”. Hiding my personal displeasure of certain personalities is one example; adopting a suitable dress code is another. However, there are numerous other examples as outlined in my book. What reading “Can the World Afford Autistic Spectrum Disorder” has done is enable me to fully understand just why and the deeper implications of this.

As the book goes on to say, identity is shaped by other people’s reactions to our self-presentations. These are spontaneous responses that are rarely consciously formulated and are predominantly non-verbal responses to the non-verbal elements of social performance and mediated by the interbrain.

The greatest actors do not get typecast; they are able to change their identity to suit the part they are playing. ASD’s do not get shaped by social feedback and so are unsure of how they come across or what sort of actor they are. They therefore fall back on their conscious selves and adopt an identity semi-deliberately.

f) Thinking differently

Another invaluable section. We pay attention to contexts so long as we recognize ourselves in them. Children learning a motor skill from an adult may be linked to them via the interbrain. An interbrain connection is required however to learn abstractions and having Asperger may inhibit this as they are learnt in a roundabout way and not through experiencing instances of them with others, but be learning definitions.

Children may, therefore, ask many questions about things which seem obvious to others. Asking questions/testing assumptions can be of considerable social value and leads people with ASD towards careers in science and engineering. The danger in a work context, as I have experienced, is that asking too much too often can create a negative impression. Ask once; do not ask the same person again, (making clear and extensive reference notes which can be referred to later I have found to be a real benefit here).

Non-Verbal as a Tool to Understanding and Moving Forward

This chapter moves on to provide some insight and techniques into how some of the previously aforementioned issues can be addressed and ameliorated.

As I learnt many years ago, our thinking, feeling and acting as adults are all based on patterns that were established in childhood. Furthermore, if some skills are not established during the critical childhood period, they may never be established at all. Language development is one of these.

Critical issues can be overcome if the time and effort are put in to help the “non-verbal” child. Professor Tantum believes that this is less helpful with adults because of deterioration in the brain’s capability to support speech and language.

I disagree with this and, as a manager with AS, I believe that it is absolutely essential to work assiduously to develop ones’ skills further in this area, such as by refraining from using provocative vocabulary. At work it is all about “communication”.

Perhaps the book’s next statement offers support in this area: namely how non-verbal communication and connection to the interbrain can occur with children with ASD who do develop the capacity to make an interbrain connection as they get older meaning that some of their ASD’s symptoms then disappear. How can this be achieved?

a) Having a Diagnosis

The book asserts that few people with ASD can be treated. A diagnosis may be unreliable or even harmful. “Labelling theorists” believe it may change other people’s social expectations and lead to increased vilification or the label becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Professor Tantum believes there is little evidence of this. I am not so sure personally that the situation is quite so clear cut. As most people will know I personally have never sought a diagnosis, do not want one and do not believe that divulging my Asperger in a work context would be beneficial. However, that is very much my personal situation and I know of a number of people for whom diagnosis and disclosure would be inordinately helpful.

The latter resonates with the book’s next statement: that diagnosis is most valuable when it is seen as enabling and empowering, though there is a caveat.

Professor Tantum only makes a diagnosis if a person requests one as a diagnosis may be used to excuse bad behaviour. There is a difference between diagnosis and justification if a person with ASD understands something is wrong then it cannot be justified, though other people will understand there are mitigating factors.

It’s an important point. As a manager I know that I must never hide behind my Asperger or use it as an excuse for anything less than top performance. If it [Asperger] is impacting negatively, then I do not avoid the issue; I seek to proactively address.

b) Focusing down on diagnosis

The next discussion looks at this. As the text asserts, most ASD’s want an explanation as to why they are different so as to have any inappropriate blame removed from them. But as the text rightly goes on to say, a label alone is not enough; ways of dealing with old problems also need to be found. Non-verbal communication is the answer.

The starting point here relates very much to a work environment. Everyone has habits or difficulties that can get worse when we come under stress. Social impairment may be caused not only by poor connection to the interbrain, but also by how much demand is placed on that connection. The complexities of the corporate world very much mean that the latter can come extensively into play.

The book describes “catastrophic theory” - the study of systems in which progressive changes in a variable produce negligible alteration in the system up to a certain point. However, further small changes in that variable can cause substantial disruption.

With ASD there are two relevant variables here: the efficiency of the interbrain connectedness and the “load” placed on the interbrain connection by social demands. If people with ASD are bullied they are at risk of catastrophic social deterioration.

This can especially occur when their identity is challenged. I can associate myself very closely with these points from a managerial perspective. Office politics, power bases, personal [managerial] egos have all presented enormous “load” factors on my interbrain. If I am being oppressed or bullied – as I have been on two occasions – then my relationship with that person has deteriorated beyond repair. Part of the problem has also involved having my identity challenged: if people question what I am or my position it can cause great inner discord.

The answer? It is very difficult of course and far from straightforward. Prevention is better than cure. i.e. do not get into a disagreement in the first place. Not allowing others to question my self worth and for me personally to retain inner self-confidence so as to not allow others to question my standing are the key techniques that I have devised and try to adopt.

c) Reducing Interbrain demands

So how can the interbrain demands’ be reduced? As the author rightly asserts ASD’s like time offline and being more alone. Certainly, I always try to build “downtime” into my working day; time when I can focus and concentrate without distractions or having to engage in social protocol.

However, as Professor Tantum also states, it is also important for the person not to avoid interbrain communication altogether: there should be strategic face-to-face contact by identifying personal priorities.

Both of these points are essential for any manager with AS to operate effectively and should, in my opinion, be positively accentuated; indeed I have made it part of my essential personal development.

I actively seek contact with colleagues try and form relationships with them on a daily basis. It reduces my Asperger distance and “differentness”, reduces misunderstanding about me and helps build the relationships that provide so much support and assistance for me personally. It also helps other people by helping them to come to terms with my Asperger!!

Essential for this is as the text states is developing the most important skill of all - listening - and not just filling it up with self-concerns, worries or preoccupations. Show interest in other people and a willingness to apply the rules of social exchange theory. As the book encouragingly says, the rewards can outweigh the costs and so enable relationships to be stable. So if a person with ASD wants others to listen to them they need to listen to others.

Related to the latter is the next point that is particularly well made. There is only so much information that can be downloaded by a person with ASD at any one time. Maintaining “bandwidth” involves ensuring that the connection and information overload are not allowed to disrupt this. I have learnt that there are certain situations that can allow this to happen.

Groups – as the book highlights – are one and can be a very difficult scenario due to the high number of people that need to be attended simultaneously to or when several things need to be communicated at once.

Facial expressions are an example of the latter. We need to blend different emotions into one expression, by ensuring that negative views are intermixed with softer news for example.

The final point in this chapter is also highly salient for a manager with AS. Some situations can be very demanding and require a “response”. Knowing when and how to respond to such situations is hugely important and requires practice.

The above point relates to when a situation is allowed to degenerate out of control meaning that irreparable of even terminal damage can be done to ones’ position.

Again, as readers of Managing with Asperger Syndrome will know I reached a “crunch point” once in my career and bitterly regret not confronting it. Due to my inexperience my response was excessively aggressive and, therefore, inappropriate.

As the book says this can lead to panic. An ASD adult may ask for sympathy or, more likely, call for justification which is also inappropriate. Criticising or being hostile to others will only make them defensive so skills need to be developed to ensure that there is know how in how to approach people effectively and appropriately. Central to this is not reacting and starting from a point of seeking reconciliation not confrontation.

d) Viruses and spam/emotional malware

Increasing time spent in an interbrain connection with other people is good and beneficial provided that the bandwidth of the connection is not exceeded. A time limit is important because the longer the connection the more tiring it becomes and this can bring anxiety and falling efficiency. Given the limited interbrain budget, interbrain time should be given to high priority activities as social emotion is tied to interbrain function.

I believe this to be very relevant in a work context and have worked hard to ensure that it does not occur by planning my day. By doing this I can ensure that I only engage with people for limited time periods meaning that, when I do, I am fully engaging and operating in “interbrain space”. Central to this is forcing myself to concentrate on the person or task in hand and to not allow other thoughts to intrude into my thought process.

Emotions like viruses can be transmitted from other people and having AS often means that negative or unpleasant thoughts become entrenched. I have found that this can be very damaging in a work setting, especially so when the issue relates to an inter-personal issue.

Examples include social encounters that go wrong, misunderstandings that are not corrected, inadvertent upsets or accidents in which other people are hurt. The more they grow the more memories are changed to accommodate them, often spreading further damage by providing new instances or mishaps or hostility to be recalled.

These unpleasant thoughts cannot be dealt easily with by rational argument. Emotional coping strategies such as saying “why pick on me” might have been more successful, but these don’t come easily for someone with ASD.

A viral thought may lodge because, in some way, it is the truth. The best way to cope with the truth is to accept it. Where the consequences are the same either way the first step is to get really close to what is really hurting.

As Professor Tantum says, most of us keep our deepest concerns to ourselves. Finding out what is in someone’s mind and what they are really concerned about, means establishing a relationship with that person which gives them confidence that what they may be thinking is respected. This requires being able to empathize with the other person and they with us. Only then can a frank discussion begin which is guided by emotion and which alerts us to hidden issues.

The next point is, for me, also highly relevant to my work experience. People with ASD often assume that others will see their point of view automatically and do not readily volunteer deep concerns as they not know themselves. I have come to learn the hard way that this is very rarely the case.

Having a weak interbrain connection means not giving up on an issue, but ensuring that every circumstance is favourable to that weak signal via quiet discussion so as not to drain interbrain resource. Not becoming emotional is an immediate tactic, but most beneficial of all I believe is working hard to connect with other people: listening to them, considering their perspective and being amenable to them in general.

Being in emotional contact in relationships is referred to as “being close”. Both people need to focus on each other via mutual attention; this is when an interbrain connection is established. Fear drains bandwidth so we need to reduce avoidance and distance with colleagues.

e) Offline processes

The above leads nicely into what the book believes are the two key training areas for an ASD [manager]: empathy and socially appropriate behaviour. This involves explicitly learning a skill and repeated practice to make it automatic. Though it is hard, extending the lessons to different situations and imitating the actions of others can, I have found, bring real benefits to managerial performance.
As the book says, socially appropriate behaviour is a bit like a dance. It is made up of steps which are not learnt explicitly, but by imitation and imitation learning requires an interbrain connection.

How can people with ASD learn implicitly?
People with ASD can refine their social skills once they have learnt the basics and acquired an interbrain connection. How do they acquire empathetic awareness or social skills in the first place?

Reducing anxiety reduces bandwidth pressure on the interbrain. Copying an admired person can help by almost being that person and is possible for someone with ASD. It is a bit like acting, but requires memory of different situations to draw on.

I have watched effective managers and taken on-board how they act and operate. However, what has been most beneficial for me is adopting a different mindset: thinking about what empathy is and what it constitutes and working really hard and proactively to put myself in the shoes of the other person. Doing this has enabled me understand and appreciate what they are thinking and what their motivations are. It is surprising just how effective this tactic is. I would urge every manager with Asperger syndrome to practice it relentlessly.

I think what I have been doing is activating an Interbrain connection!
 
Can Society Afford People with an ASD, Revisited
Professor Tantum starts to conclude the book by looking at Asperger and the world of work - ” what most people with ASD want is to be able to work”. As he goes onto say, society cannot afford the cost of not recognizing ASD by supporting people who have it.

Why society cannot afford bullying

Human groups have a boundary which is endangered when the composition or structure of the group changes. Resisting change is one way in which this boundary is protected. A person new to an organization needs to deal with opposition. Their new initiatives need to be tested and one way of doing that is seeing how well they stand up to criticism or ridicule.

This may work when everyone involved is equally tough and when they are not too personally involved in an initiative. Tough people may say “you win some, you lose some” after an unsuccessful conflict as this is an emotional distancing technique.

These passages reflect very closely my experience as a manager with Asperger syndrome. Sadly I have had to learn the hard way through experience; some of it very painful.

As the book goes n to say, few people with ASD can process the past so easily. For most the issue should be resolved and not just forgotten. Conflict is less reliable as an ameliorative mechanism if one party is a less than able fighter. As a result, excellent ideas of potential value may be dismissed because their introducer is not able to champion them effectively. Hard as though it is to accept, (despite acknowledging that I did not possess the experience or skills at the time to prevent it), this reflects my exact shortcoming in my career job.

This is coercive conflict where the power is all on one side. Bullying is an abuse that is tolerated more than it should because bullies act on behalf of the conservative forces that resist change. My chief protagonist was highly influential and respected in the organisation and played the “it’s not personal” and “I can’t stand the company being put in a bas light” very effectively to hide his personal dislike of me.

As Professor Tantum goes on to say, resisting change is not wrong. Defeating new initiatives is not bad. What is wrong and bad is resisting change by abusing group power and defeating initiatives by targeting the initiators rather than their proposals. No-one should tolerate this and I have learnt not to allow my AS to do so.

Are people with an ASD disabled?

Bullying can lead to long-term harm for ASD’s: a person may withdraw and isolate themselves from the social mainstream. If they are off the interbrain network, they are likely conjure up even more anxiety in the people around them.

So what can be done? Originality is a characteristic feature of people with ASD and this can be a real source of advantage in a work context by providing an organisation with unique skills and insight.

The book describes how “innocence” is a quality that everyone values. People with ASD are not good at using self-conscious emotions; they often feel shame, but are poor at making other people feel ashamed. They are also less able to persuade, seduce, ensnare, to lie convincingly, to backbite, scheme, out-manoeuvre. This lack of scheming is what makes people with ASD innocent. As Professor Tantum says: you know where you stand with someone with ASD.

What I think the message could possibly be here is: be yourself and respect that. If this leads to negative outcomes, then so be it. As Hamlet I think it was once said: “be true to thineself”. This is possibly saying what the next point is…..
Limit situations

“Glass ceilings” are where ambitious people reach a certain point in their career. Despite past successes, people with fewer and no greater personal abilities rise above them.

The philosopher Jasper looked at the impact of the “ultimate situations” According to him, at some point we are all confronted with a challenge that exposes our incapacity and we can only manage by coming to terms with it. Normally these arise in mid-late adulthood when we hit a “glass ceiling” - a problem that cannot go away.

Professor Tantum asserts that people with ASD confront their “glass ceiling” much earlier. They realise they cannot fully influence those around them except by aggression or when a vacuum opens up after the structure of school or university comes to an end; there is no longer an invisible obstacle to their ambitions and a diagnosis can make it all too visible.

Coming to terms with this limit requires facing ones’ limitations; of finding new sources of meaning in life. Tantum admires that courage of people with ASD who accept this with dignity.

I have done this in my career as a manager with Asperger syndrome. I accept my condition and some of the limitations they mean for me, but I do not allow them to present me from progressing and achieving greater things. It is this stance that has enabled me to progress and achieve, something of which I am inordinately proud.

We are, as the book says, shackled to people through being forced to maintain the interbrain connection; we have to move with other people. Changing jobs, for example, is part of a pattern of life by those around us moving ahead and us catching up. The Interbrain ensures that most of the time we are thinking/worrying about the same things.

Professor Tantum’s final thought is: there is more to life than existence, a transcendental value that comes from our participation in society. We need to be part of this but – also – sufficiently grounded in oneself to be conscious of still being an individual. It is easier for people with ASD to experience themselves as individuals than NT’s. What a positive thought to finish on.

Can the World Afford Autistic Spectrum Disorder? Non-Verbal Communication, Asperger Syndrome and the Interbrain; Jessica Kingsley Publishers, ISBN: 978-1-84310-694-4