Malcolm's blog

It was my first day back at work today after over two weeks off. Obviously not easy!!

I foudn myself waking up prematurelly, rushing for the station and looking at my watch during the day as I started to adapt back to my old rountine.

I felt de-motivated throughout the day and thinking whether I should be working back in mainstream commerce.

However, I kept forcing myself not to think like this, to remind myself that everyone finds the first day back afer a break hard and that - very quickly - I will be back into my routine and, therefore, feeling a lot more comfortable.

My new company closes down over Christmas. I will, therefore, get over two weeks holiday.

It will fly by I know - as it always does. However, I am determined to try and make the most of it by relaxing and taking each day at a time, not thinking ahead and trying to enjoy the moment.

I have a lot to do (not least of all working on Asperger Management and getting the next newsletter out), so I am going to try and get everything done whilst, at the same time, enjoying a decent break.

I was chatting privately to my closest colleague today about "possible" events next year at work.

He seems quite savvy with regard to office politics and certainly more aware than I am.

He believes that if things get tough next year economically (which they almost certainly will) then it is not implausible that there could be cutbacks to staff, i.e. us!

I have decided that I am going to refrain completely from engaging in talk about these issues from here on in. I am not in a position to judge to be honest and its likely to only cause me worry which, as I know from the past, will subconsciously affect my output.

I am just going to crack on and be philosophical about what may - or may not - happen.

I have enough to be getting on with anyway: the workload is enormous, but I am enjoying it.

The COO at work was someone I was a bit wary of!

Couldn't put my finger on it, but he seemed a bit strange. My intuition was telling me that he could be awkward if you got on the wrong.

Consequently, I made a conscious effort to reach out to him, communicate and try to break the ice with him. This is the strategy that I arrived at a long time ago that I decided to utilise if faced with this scenario.

Touch wood it seems to be working quite well. Its all about having some confidence and making the effort.

As I wrote in my book: the best way to change other people, is to change yourself"!

Really pertinent advice for someone with Asperger I think!

I was invited today to go to a cafe style restaurant with three colleagies from outside my team. I had just eaten my sandwiches so, to be honest, I wasn't that keen.

However, I accepted and went along. Very pleased I did two for two reasons.

Firstly, it went against my naturally tendency not to mix. It was the first time someone has asked in my new job and by taking up the offer I was sending the message - I hope - that I am open, amenable ands what inclusion. Secondly, it was a chance to get to know people and build rapport.

It is not something that I would have done previously of course, so I hope that it demonstrates that I am actioning some important lessons from time passed.

Quite enjoyed it also once I had got into the conversation, which I found a little hard initially.

Didn't like the potato pancakes mind you, but that wasn't the point!

I heard today that I didn't get the additional job responsibility that I applied for.

Not sure what to think to be honest. One half of me did feel a bit of disappointment; the other that maybe I had missed an important opportunity.

Still, maybe its a blessing in disguise. I haven't got it so thats thats - move on now and concentrate on other things.

We have a new CEO who started on Monday.

I have met him before casually when I contacted him a few years back at his old institution to see if there was any voluntary work I could do as a means of getting some background experience as a way into Executive Education.

It meant that I "knew" him slightly which was nice as it broke the ice and has made me feel more comfortable with him. This has enabled me to get off on the right footing.

He has an easy going manner and likes a joke. He also gave a nice introductory speech and I think that, though I am sure he can put his foot down if need be, is the type of supportive, constructive person with an attendant style that will bring the best out of someone with a personality profile with the characteristics of AS.

I think I need to maintain this position. I am going to make a conscious effort to continue to build rapprt with him over the coming weeks.

I had an interview on Friday for an internal position.

It would not mean giving up what I currently do; more working alongside it as an additional responsibility.

I wasn't looking forward to it [the interview] as I wasn't sure if I wanted the job. The company had encouraged me to reply because the work related to my past experience.

I did some preparation and the interview went quite well. However, my intuition is telling me that I don't want the role and that I am half hoping I don't get offered it.

If it had come six months later I would have jumped at the opportunity, but I feel that it has come too early.

After only a month in a new posiiton, and trying to learn new material already, I feel that it could involve taking on too much which would be stressful.

I may not get it of course and will know at the end of this coming week.

As I think I mentioned in a previous blog, I am determined to network whilst I am in my new job in my old industry and for my new company.

As I also think I mentioned, I have previously only networked when I want something, i.e. a job lead, which, as I have learnt, is not the right way to go about things.

Tonight I met someone and his first words were: "what do you want!". I replied that I didn't wnat anything;I just wanted to meet uo and keep the dialogue going along with my networking.

The conversation progressed and I started telling the person about my previous company (I told the contact that I was still working for them).

He became very interested and said that he had had someone come to meet him this week from America who was interested in the type of thing that we [my company] were doing!!

Had an interesting one today!

My new company is starting up an e-commerce operation. It is hugely important to the company, as it is a development that is structurally driving the industry we work in.

In my very first week the CEO called me and asked me to apply as my experience in my last company was very relevant and applicable.

I was slightly unsure about this given it was very early days, but I got the impression that I was being given a hint and that it would be politically incorrect not to be seen to be interested and positively disposed towards it.

One of my immediate colleagues urged me to apply. He knew of another person in the office who was going for it, but he thought that he was an unsuitable candidate.