Avoiding Conflict
Submitted by Malcolm on Fri, 10/03/2008 - 19:00.
Things are getting fractious in the company at the moment because of difficult trading conditions.
Unfortunately, my boss is in the thick of it and has already been on the end of some flak.
Whilst not directly involved, there is a chance that some may come my way also given that I am responsible for Business Development. As yet additional contracts have yet to be signed which is - at least - partially down to me.
If it does start then I am determined not to get drawn into it. I will keep my counsel and ensure that I don't react in any way.
I think that it is important in these scenarios to remember that it is the situation - not the person - that is the target!
Good point
You're right that in most cases it's the situation not necessarily the person who is the target. Come to think of it a example would be the issue with my new (hopefully temporary) task of scheduling/rooms. As time went on I started noticing that many people (not necessarily all) were directing their concerns and frustrating on the situation/problems with the scheduling/rooms for Fall not entirely on me.
In general (not to switch gears) I try to keep away from conflict and keep to myself. It's not easy. I'm not a fan of conflict, even though there are times I tend to cause conflict or get into it but that's not too often.
I usually avoid conflict
I usually avoid conflict like the plague in real life but if I think something is wrong, I now speak out a lot more than in previous times.
Speaking Up
As I have just posted on my blog, things are getting fraught at work.
Customers are complaining about things and the atmosphere in the building is at best not right, at worse, getting unpleasant.
What is also beginning to happen is that a blame culture is developing. I am determined not to get caught up in all of this.
I am new to this type of role and have been refrring, where necessary, things to more experienced people higher up for advice and approval. If there any complaints then I am going to refer to this.
As I also posted I just want out. I don't want to do this for the rest of my life and I am determined not to remain anywhere if I am unhappy.
My boss is due to see the CEO early next week following a meeting that the latter had with customers. She suspects that she is going to be shown the door.
I think she could be right. If she is and there are then further questions, then I am going to ask to see the CEO and seek clarification.
I need to play things carefully of course. My objective is to stay in my current role until I have found something more suitable.
Not Getting Involved
As those reading my blog will now know, I have left my job.
The writing was on the wall insofar as they were constructively (deliberately)m dismissing both myself and my boss: she chose to fight it legally.
I chose not to. past experience has taught me that it is not worth doing this, not least of all from an emotional energy perspective. As someone with asperger syndrome I can find this incredibly draining.
I negotaited one month's extra pay but could, I suspect with hindsight, have got an additional month. The lawyer advising me warned against pushing the company too far and I was guided by his advice. I think that it may have been poor information.
I also questioned myself afterwards for not being more assertive. I don't like conflict: it is inherently against my nature.
However, the other issue for me is the need to avoid unpleasantness. If I endure this I find that it takes a lot out of me and distracts me from other priorities.
From the perspective of having Asperger I have found that this can be very damaging.
Not Engaging
There is another option with regard to conflict that I witnessed at work yesterday: simply not engaging.
A person walked out of a meeting when another colleague started to bring up a point which, apparently, she had done so on another occasion. Her words were "I am not going to get into this debate again" and left!
A couple of years ago I read the autobiography of Sir John Stevens who used to be the Commissioner of the Metropolitan Police in London. He once witnessed a fellow Chief Constable utilise the same tactic which, apparently, was very effective for him also.
Its one which I am going to add to my mental arsenal.
Confrontation
Conflict = confrontation.
I dislike the latter intensely and have shied away from it when I have really needed to do otherwise.
Does anyone have any techniques for preparing for confrontation? It has to be constructively done so doing the necessary ground work beforehand effectively can be hugely important.
I believe it is vital to get
I believe it is vital to get everything in writing so there will be no confusion later on as to what each person said.